Soccer Parenting 101...revisited

Today we enjoyed inaugural Spring Soccer games for 2 teams. We all groan when time rolls around for practice to start and dread what the weather will hold for us each Saturday. Historically, Spring soccer weather has not been kind. Although it takes a couple weeks to get into the swing of practice and game schedules, it is always good to see the friends we don't see other than during the soccer season. The kids are always glad to see one another...life is good. Crazy busy, but good.

However, there always has to be one bump in the road. The OTHER team's parents. Oh yes, they can make my blood boil and my mouth utter words under my breath that aren't all that child friendly. Now they aren't totally 'potty mouth' words, but come close to it for a mother of 5. So, let this be my sound off to those parents on the OTHER team. I'll call it 'All the things I should have learned before becoming a soccer parent, 101'

1) When you show up to a game......dump yourself and your stuff directly across the field from YOUR OWN TEAM. Straddling the mid-field line is down right rude, and straggling all your team parents up and down the sidelines is one of my biggest soccer pet peeves. I mean, really people, if you don't like the other parents on your child's team then perhaps you need to go to a team building class.

2) The last time I checked, the coaches are supposed to be on the OTHER SIDE OF THE FIELD. Yeah, standing directly next to your child. If you are not the coach-and since you are sitting on the parent side of the filed then I am assuming you ARE NOT-then sit down and shut up!!! Your child and the other kids on the team do not need to hear you scream at the top of your lungs about what you think they ought to be doing. Encouragement, yes.....coaching, NO!

3) If you insist on completely ignoring rule number 2 and proceed on as if it pertains to everyone BUT you, then for the love of God and all things Holy......YELL IN ENGLISH!!! I cannot stand to listen to the yeller parent that sputters about in Spanish. Sorry folks, but that's how I feel.

4) When your child's team is beating our team 4 to zip and the same child has made those 4 goals, or most of them anyways, perhaps you might teach them that going down on one knee and pumping their fist in the air isn't exactly sportsman like behavior and can, and will be, considered quite arrogant. And rude. And disrespectful. And cocky. And annoying.

5) When your child's team is beating my child's team 8 to zip, you can stop yelling at your child to keep scoring and you can also refrain from pumping your own fist in the air as they score that 8th goal. And by the way, cheering need not last more than 10 seconds, IF THAT.

6) When your child's team is stomping all over our team, should the ref happen to make a call that happens to, by total coincidence, favor our team.....quit your griping and cut our kids some slack. The last time I checked, your child's team and my child's team were playing RECREATIONAL soccer. My child certainly doesn't enjoy being beat 8 to 0. So just shut it, would ya?

7) Should you choose to say anything about the coach of my child's team, I might just have to get right on up outta my seat and come over to visit with you. or at least give you a REALLY dirty look. Unhappily. Because I am married to the coach. And friends with the assistant coach's wife and family.

If you have a child that plays soccer, you either empathize with me completely or think I'm off my rocker. Either way, I hope THEY enjoy it. Oh, and happy Spring soccer!